quarta-feira, 9 de março de 2016

Girl on fire

"I dreamed you dreamed of me calling out my name
Is it worth the price?"

Well, first of all, hey. I don't know exactly what I'm doing - should I write in portuguese or in english? Should I make an update or just a fresh start? The truth is something has changed. I haven't figured out all of it yet but the change is here. I'm coming back, I'm coming home. No more 'yes', no more tears, no more helpless nights. No more awkward silence, doubts about myself just because others don't enjoy me as I should be enjoyed. Yes, I just said that, I am proud of myself.  I'm proud of what I am today, of how much I've succeed. I actually did a lot of stuff, I mean, I entered college, worked in a lot of voluntary associations, I fucking published a book. I have to be proud of this, right? 
I've met someone. I still can't quite figure it out how is this going to work; I feel like I haven't met anyone in ages. Okay, I've met some guys but all they wanted was my body, my appearance. This is love or at least something like that. This is someone that enjoy my sould and laughs with me. And it's a girl and that's the problem. Well, not entirely a problem. I have no problem saying I like a girl but I never thought I would be in this position. I thought that my attraction to girl ended in their boobs not in their minds. Yet I'm attracted to her and I can't avoid admiring all her little things. The way she looks at me, the way she smiles, even the way she walks. She walks slowly, each leg at the time. No, not all of us walk like that - I almost run, you can't even notice each leg, you just see a ball moving. But with her, I can admire her tighs. This sounds very lust-ish but I feel great admiring them.

And of course I've changed. But it's a good change. It makes me feel like I'm alive, truly alive. I haven't felt like this for quite a while and I own her that. Even if we don't stay together, even if we stop talking, I own her these little moments when I feel free and ready to move on. Nevertheless I have to be honest with you guys - I hope she doesn't run away from me because I'm enjoying every second I spend with her. I hope she falls in love with me as I am falling for her. Not sure if it's about love but I'm definitely falling. I hope I don't hurt myself.
I have finally moved on - well, I can't continue talking about this, she has arrived; boy, that was quick. We're studying together. I like having her near me.

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